Neither of which could really be said of me: I’m not really gay nor am I really ’sorted’ (safely categorised and content with what I’ve got) in relation to my sexual and emotional life. Can a gay Christian ever be truly sorted in this sense: content to identify as gay and leading a life in which they are content about the way they express their sexuality, whether through sexual acts and relationships, or not?
There are many Christians, gay or otherwise, who will answer this question in the affirmative. Equally, there are many who will deny there can ever be a happy ‘accommodation’ of, and with, gayness in the heart of a Christian. Indeed, as is well known, there are many Christians who continue to regard homosexuality as a sickness and a devilish evil that can and should be cured or exorcised.
But what would they make of me: a bisexual Christian? (Let’s leave the transgender thing aside for a minute; that’ll get really confusing!) Bisexuals are not very popular people, in either the straight or gay, Christian or secular-liberal communities. We fly in the face – not literally – of the dualistic categories according to which people like to judge whether someone is on the right or the wrong side of the argument, of the law, of rationality, of morality, of sexuality or of truth.
Straight people, especially potential partners, don’t trust us because they think that our predilection to play on both sides makes us more likely to stray. Gays and secular liberals think that we’re really gays who aren’t honest enough to finally admit it and commit ourselves to a gay lifestyle; and liberals think we should do that, too, almost as an ideological badge of distinction. And certain Christians tend to judge us as self-indulgent and think that we’re really straight people who should sort out our priorities and take up our responsibilities to ourselves and society.
Not easy to be sorted and bisexual. Even more so, perhaps, than to be Christian, gay and sorted. There’s no single prescription or fail-safe way to live out a life in that polarity-defying duality of gay and Christian, let alone the dual duality of bisexual and Christian. Each man or woman who finds themself in this situation must find their own way, the way set out for them, to follow in the footsteps of Christ. I like to think that my own steps are increasingly in sync with Our Lord’s, even if I’m far from sorted.
And they’re not leading me to deny who I am or what I am. Bisexual, gay, yes even transgender – he’ll sort me out in the end.
(Originally posted on http://btcp.wordpress.com on 14 July 2007.)