Cambridge 1-2 Stafford, 12 April 2008
I’d remembered the date:
Double it to get my birthday
One month before.
I hadn’t sent an email –
The day before –
And now it was too late:
She wouldn’t get it.
The moment lost.
I thought it must be ‘fate’
When we drove past the gate
Of the football ground
Where the notice stated
The match:
Cambridge United against Stafford.
Several times of late
We’d driven past Stafford,
Myself and Kate,
Travelling fast
Along the motorway.
But I’d not revisited the past.
Who was there to see in Stafford, anyway?
She was no longer there,
Though I might long to see her.
For a fleeting second,
I thought I did
As I left the copy centre
Clutching my niece’s laminated artwork:
Two almost identical, archetypal ladies.
There, across the car park she came;
I thought I caught a look, her style,
But looked away from the couple
And did not allow my gaze
To linger yet awhile.
We two had been a couple, once,
Back in Stafford while
The others slept;
And again,
In London, Paris, Bradford –
Places of my past.
And yes, in Cambridge, too,
Where it started.
So much passion leaves its traces;
But does that mean it lasts?
So many poignant memories;
But does my repeating
Signal love’s demise,
Or chance revival?
I should not wonder so,
I kept saying to myself.
All that is gone,
Long past;
She was wrong
For you, and you for her –
No doubt.
And her affections now lie
Elsewhere.
No even match.
And yet, I had seen her,
One year or so before;
No chance encounter
But a sneaky rendez-vous –
Almost a tryst –
Back in London.
I had to be duplicitous,
To lie about my Delaye:
Problem of trains missed;
Trouble down the line.
But there was nothing in it,
Was there?
We talked, explained;
And kissed goodbye.
I recoiled from more
And shuttled off back home
To Cambridge.
And she to her newfound love.
She was one of two again,
And what of me?
Of my two, was she the one?
And though I knew the answer,
Still I wondered –
And was I alone in re-evoking
What could have been and never was?
And never was because unspoken,
Even then –
Repeating the missing of my words
That could have summoned her to my present,
Before time and chance slipped past.
We, too, once were united.
Not repeated;
My hopes defeated.
And yet,
Perhaps destiny had intended
Us to be together
For a while, at least
I thought, as I learned the score:
Cambridge United 1 Stafford 2 –
My 1-2 12 April Stafford girl,
Whom another won and made two.
A past united,
Not reignited;
Once.
But not a gain.
